• Alexandra Filia

Don't Be Ridiculous!

It is a very sad day when a woman acts starstruck around a guy. Doing googly eyes, hanging on to his every word, complimenting his ability to brush his teeth, and subjugating her preferences to his at every opportunity. It is all sort of OK if he reciprocates, but it becomes intolerable to watch when he is clearly not interested. If you are this girl, I would like to hold a mirror to your face, so you see what it looks like and stop doing it immediately. It is the totally wrong way to get his attention and makes you look desperate and a bit sad. So, what is the best way to act around the man of your dreams if you want to gain his affection?

Let's say you are fortunate enough to be in proximity to the man of your dreams. A car ride, a shared vacation, desk buddies at work, it doesn’t matter what it is, it is an opportunity. Don’t blow it. Most men have big enough egos as it is. Inflating his, a bit more, is a good thing. Blowing it out of proportion early on is a fatal error. How do you achieve the perfect balance that will turn you into an alluring minx instead of a silly woman?

Your first and best move is to let him talk until he talks himself out. While he is talking, formulate in your head an intelligent and short response indicating that you took in his wisdom. Wait for a long enough a pause to interject without interrupting. Then shut up. When he turns the conversation to you, reply briefly and immediately ask him something about himself. Nothing makes a man (or a woman) happier than to be listened to actively. The harder you listen, the more he will admire your intelligence (even if you are not saying anything)

Avoid being on top of him every step he takes, give him space to want you. You don’t need to be within 5 inches of him at all times. He can see your efforts trying to sit next to him on the sofa or at the dinner table. It is painfully obvious to him and everyone else that you are obsessed. Shake yourself aware. What you are doing is not going to impress him, only to confirm that he can have you by clicking his fingers. Instead, sit at the other end of the table and have a lively conversation with someone else. Every so often, give him a quick look that could be interpreted as flirting (or not). He will not be sure, and will be left wondering.

Use the group you are with to your advantage instead of ignoring them and having eyes only for him. Manoeuvre yourself around the people you are with, smiling and engaging in conversation. Allow him to follow you with his eyes instead of supergluing yourself to his side. When he says something, don’t be the first to respond. Let others pick up the baton, while you contemplate what, if anything, you will contribute.

Of course, be friendly at all times, but not extra friendly. In these early stages of flirting you need to give him the opportunity to hunt you, seek you out, lust after you. If you are on top of him, you are no challenge. You are already caught and boring. Don’t give him the chance to be alone with you unless it can’t be helped. If your group is sharing cars jump at the first available seat and don’t try to squeeze yourself in the seat next to him. In the same vein, don’t order the same meal as he does, don’t agree with whatever comes out of his mouth, and don’t jam to a tune you hate just because it is his favourite band. He can tell what you are up to and even though he may be flattered, he will rapidly lose interest. You must hang on to your opinions, tastes, likes and dislikes. I am not suggesting that you should outright argue with everything he says, but if you disagree either formulate an intelligent comment or stay quiet. He needs to respect you first in order to fall in love with you.

Stand up tall girl, don’t sell yourself short, and let him work to win you over.

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