• Alexandra Filia

Following him around the mountain!

Are you the girl who bends over backwards to please a guy you like? Even if you just met? Do you go out of your way to not inconvenience him? Do you carry the supermarket bags while he is sitting in front of his favourite TV show directing you from the sofa?

This past weekend I was skiing with a group of friends. One of the guys was besotted with a girl he had met the previous night at a local bar. He was showing us photos and texting her on the lifts. He was even thinking of the next few weeks together which is highly unlikely for a bloke this early in the dating game…. All was going well until she decided, uninvited, to meet up with us. What followed was a comedy of errors as she begun following him around the mountain. Clearly clueless on how to find us, she spent an entire day texting him her location as she went from lift to lift and ending up on the other side of the resort. She was so keen, it brought tears to my eyes. He went from talking about her incessantly to dismissing the whole thing as a joke, not wanting to be associated with this eager beaver. He had gone from being the hunter to being the hunted and he was not happy.

I have often tried to determine why it is that us women end up on the back foot even when we have the power at the start of the relationship. Why are we afraid to be ourselves and need to please beyond what is proportionate and reasonable?

Did you know that on Facebook there are almost a 100 breakup support groups for women and only one for men. The majority of these women claim that they would take their man back despite his dreadful behaviour. They love him…or is it that they have become dependent? Do we validate your worth based on what a guy thinks about us? What is it that a guy has that we want so profoundly?

Ladies, whenever you go out of your way to please a guy, especially in the early days of dating, you are sabotaging the future of the relationship. If you don’t respect yourself and you don’t value your time and resources, how can you expect him to respect you? If he determines that you are a doormat, his blossoming feelings will quickly fade.

I am not saying that you should not cook your man a meal or agree to see a movie you are indifferent about. Relationships are about give and take and you should of course do some giving, but not all of the giving. Let him bring you coffee in bed and make you breakfast. If you can’t make a day he suggests, do not reorganise your entire schedule, but suggest another day that suits. Be strong and confident! Not only will he fall in love with you, you will also fall in love with you.

Don’t follow him around the mountain! Let him ski (or snowboard) to you!

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