• Alexandra Filia

Out of the FRIENDZONE and into the light!

There are friends, and then there are friends we secretly fancy and want them to be much, much more than friends. Somehow, this never happens to really attractive girls, but for the rest of us regular folk, at one time or another, we ended up in the dreaded friendzone. This is usually with a guy who is out of our league, yet, somehow, we cannot quite give up on the idea that it may work someday.

Anyone who has been firmly in the friendzone will tell you that it exhilarating and soul destroying at the same time. Exhilarating because you get to do stuff with the guy you are hopelessly in love with like tell him your deepest secrets (except of course the obvious one) and have him confide in you. This is especially exciting if you have caught him between relationships and during a period where he has sworn off women. He is all yours, except in that one way. Yes, you touch, but not in the way you crave, yet, it is still beautiful. He is of course clueless (you hope) of your true feelings and you are clueless as to how to progress.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that for your relationship to change, something else will have to change as well. Here are some suggestions to try out:

Put some space between you physically and mentally. If you talk/text every day become slightly unavailable, take a day or two to respond to texts/emails. Spend some time away and do less for him. Make your conversations less “deep” and give him little information on your state of mind and feelings. Start creating mystery, the mother of desire!

Change the way you look and especially try to lose weight if you carry a lot more than you should. It is no coincidence that many women in the friend zone are overweight. The reason is that these women are so insecure about the way they look that they use the friend route to get near the man they like. As friends they cannot get rejected outright and their “friend” can get to know their inner beauty. This strategy rarely works without a corresponding change in the looks department. Men are visual and get attracted to new shiny things. Change your makeup, your wardrobe, your hair and hit the gym if you want him to notice you in a different light.

A word on banter! If you have been pretending to be one of the guys to get close to him, stop it and start behaving like a girl. Being thought as a guy is worse than being in the regular friendzone despite what you have seen in the movies.

Make some new friends of the opposite sex and flirt with them. Friends that he does not know and also does not know how or where you met them. Be enigmatic about your feelings towards these new people in your life and don’t reveal anything. Men cannot resist a bit of competition and there is a good chance that he will see you differently if he gets an inkling that he may lose you to another guy.

Finally, if the opportunity presents itself, or if you can make it present itself, jump him. Not in a weepy, “I am in love with you” way, but outright sexy provocative way. Your chances are high, men rarely decline sex. It is a shock treatment and if does not work your “friendship” is finished. Even if it works for one night, it may not last, but at least you will be well and truly out of the friendzone! Good luck my “friend”.

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