• Alexandra Filia

The Radiant Beauty of Confidence

Sometimes a woman walks in to a room and all eyes are on her. She is not objectively gorgeous, she may be a bit short, maybe even chubby, yet, everyone, men and women, are drawn to her. She walks with purpose, her shoulders back as she scans the room. She is not trying to fit in or blend with the wallpaper. She is self-aware and confident and every man in the room wants her.

Confidence is the most cited quality that both men and women look for in a partner. Considering how much effort goes into hair, clothes, makeup and other decorations, you would expect an equal amount to be going into cultivating confidence. It is not that women do not understand the value of confidence, they do. Rivers of ink have been spilt on the subject and there are countless articles and books exhorting the virtues of confident women.

Many of us chase the wrong kind of confidence; the kind that arises from a good haircut or a pretty dress. But this is delicate and fleeting. One thoughtless comment or overheard criticism and it vanishes into thin air. This is not what I am talking about.

The confidence I am advocating you should develop, is enduring and comes from within. It is possessed by a woman who is secure in what she believes, has her own views and is not shy to express her opinions. This woman you cannot fit into a cookie cutter, she knows what she wants and does not feel the need to dress the same way as everyone else, listen to the same music or be a people pleaser.

She does what makes her happy and it shows


Have you ever felt the freedom of being fully you? Saying what you really think? It is a bit scary in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it, it is intoxicating and….irresistibly attractive to both sexes. A girl who believes herself pretty also looks pretty, far prettier in fact than conventional beauty standards would have you think.

Confidence does not come easy, especially to women. Social media with its thinly disguised bullying does its bit to further undermine the confidence of young women and fill them with negative thoughts about themselves. As women, we find it much harder than men to develop our sense of self-worth and the negative self-talk can damage the armour of even the most beautiful girl.

So, ladies, start your day by looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are great! Push back your shoulders, stand tall and recount all your victories, big and small. Say that you are worth it and mean it. Thrush aside those who want push you down and make you feel small and worthless. Go into the world with the full knowledge that you are confident in your decisions and your views. Did you notice what I said? Your views! Because who doesn’t want to have a partner or friend who is authentic and comfortable in her skin and in her convictions? One who does not wallow in negative thoughts and dwell on her imperfections, bad decisions and limiting thoughts? And what if you are wrong, or make a mistake? Don’t beat yourself up and undermine your own fledging confidence. Be kind to yourself, as kind and encouraging as you would be to a good friend, then dust yourself off, pick yourself up and move on.

Because this is what a confident woman such as yourself would do.

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