• Alexandra Filia

When you say you don't want to see him again, do you mean it?

He treated you badly by any stretch. He cheated on you, broke up with you, lied and bullied you before finally leaving for good. He is obviously the scum of the earth, a speck of dirt on your shoe that does not deserve a first chance, much less a second one. You tell everyone that you are glad he is out of your life and you hope to never encounter the likes of him again. More power to you sister, you are awesome.

Then, halfway through the first week of him leaving, you find yourself:

• Calling him

• Texting him

• Begging him to come back

• Stalking him on Facebook

• Crying your eyes out

• Finding it impossible to continue living without him

Do you see how crazy this sounds? We have a shockingly short time on this early and you are prepared to spend months or years of your life convinced that this is the only man on earth you want to be with? This man who in addition told you very clearly verbally or with his actions that he has no interest whether you live or die?

It saddens me and baffles me to see women wasting their tears, years and emotions pinning after someone who does not want them. I’ll be the first to justify the tears if that man stood between a woman’s comfortable living and abject poverty. But if not, then what is the reason for this undignified behaviour? Love?

More likely, it is fear of being alone, obsession, anger and disbelief because of the rejection. You are mourning the loss of your sense of safety and the security of knowing what to expect from a person you depend on completely who then stops responding. The world temporarily stops making sense and you want to go back to the way things were. In fact, you may even forget the reality of what it was like when he was around and see the past with rose coloured glasses.

Ladies, please get your act together and mourn the loss of your status quo in private or with your close friends who love you. Don’t go calling him drunk in the middle of the night while he is in some other woman’s bed. He is not worth it, and you will only hurt more. Keep your dignity intact and you will thank me later.

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