• Alexandra Filia

You Can Talk to Anyone!

Few years ago I worked in a tech startup as an advisor sitting next to their customer service department. In the 9 months I sat there, I never heard anyone speak, in fact, it was probably the best place to sit if you wanted to concentrate. A few months after I started, they actually removed their phone number from the website all together. These millennials did not like speaking to strangers over the telephone…

Are you one of these millennial girls struggling to escape the tyranny of online dating and create more meaningful face to face connections? Here is what you need to know to meet men face to face.

The first rule is to be approachable and the best way to do this is to smile. The men you are likely to meet are also a bit shy and unsure about the best way to get to know you. Beaming a smile their way will give them the courage to walk over. On the same subject, if you want guys to approach you, don’t go out in a group. A bunch of girls are quite threatening to a guy. Go with one girlfriend or on your own.

If the man on your radar is not making any moves to approach you, here is what to do. Firstly, evaluate the context of the place you are at and who is with him. Is it a bar, a conference, a coffee shop? Think of something relevant, non-threatening and positive: “Is this your first hike with this group?”, "Nice turnout for this event!" "Did you hear the keynote? I thought it was great." “Have you tried the apple pie? It is really good and they only bake it on Thursdays.”

Guys love to show off, so ask for help, for his opinion or for information. All three are excellent conversations starters. "Excuse me, do you know if there is WIFI available?”, “Could you help me reach my coat?”, “Have you heard this speaker before? I wonder what he has to say about X.”,"I see you're drinking the mojito. Would you recommend it?"

Once the ice has cracked, you can move the conversation by discussing shared experiences or thinking of mutual acquaintances. Maybe you both like to ski, or you both went to a nearby University. Perhaps you had the same professor, or you know some of the same people. Any commonalities are making you trust each other and help the conversation flow.

Nothing makes a guy happier or more willing to stick around than being given the stage to talk about himself. Try to focus on what he considers his strong points and successes, ask relevant questions, and let him give you all the details and ins and outs of his triumphs.

Focus on what he is wearing and compliment anything that stands out. Everyone likes a compliment and he will consider you a woman of superior taste and class.

Make sure of course that you are targeting guys within your range and also have a plan on how to escape the attention of those guys you have no interest in attracting. This does not mean that you should not aim high. After all, none of these strategies present a risk to your dignity. The worst that can happen is that you will be given a lot of instructions you don’t need, or you will have to find a new peg for your coat (that you asked him to fetch for you).

Now if you are really adventurous, you can try my signature move that has not failed me yet. Look at him seductively, smile and give him a little wink (look playful, not like a porn star). As a final piece of advice, be easy to approach and difficult to capture. Every guy likes a bit of a chase. Good luck!

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